I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Life is so much better after having sex.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
