we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
