i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
