But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
