____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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