Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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