You're so nebulous sometimes
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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