I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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