My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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