Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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