You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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