Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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