i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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