For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
