marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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