i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
