if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
