Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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