I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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