Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize