Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
