I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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