I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize