I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
