I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
