I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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