I could make wine with my vomit
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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