We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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