She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
