that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
