I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
