i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
