PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
