My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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