I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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