Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
