I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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