I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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