I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
