you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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