Barsexuality is the new black.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
