I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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