We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
