just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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