New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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