You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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