There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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