The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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