So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
