Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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