No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
