All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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