no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
