he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize