its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
