Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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