she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
