if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How external is "for external use only"?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize