When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
