Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize