i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
