So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
