a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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