saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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