you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
