I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
