I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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