So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How does one acquire holy water?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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