It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
