I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
