i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
