The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
