I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
