Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
