what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
3pm strippers are depressing
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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