Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
