someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
