i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
