I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
