News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize