That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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