Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
