the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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