I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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