My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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