dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
