She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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