Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
