well I can't set my house on fire every night
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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