He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
