That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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