Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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