YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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