Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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