If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
