I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize